Why is this shit so HARD? I’m not sleeping well at all. Le Homme came back last night, which is nice, but I’m driving him nuts with my need to have Radio 4 on constantly. We compromised in the end by turning the radio off and me listening to an audiobook on my iPod. Which I’m not a fan of doing as it seems I’m awake and paying attention to the story one second, and then two hours later I wake up with the headphone cables wrapped around my neck and the iPod somewhere in the duvet mountain. It’s ideal for getting to sleep, less ideal for understanding what the hell is going on in whichever story I happen to be listening to (House Rules by Jodie Picoult at the moment).
I need to listen to something though, otherwise I wriggle around for hours, stressing and fretting about things. Last night, it was all about how I had to tell a former colleague about what’s going on. See, there’s a conference down in Oxford at the beginning of next week and I was part of the group that are attending. I’d arranged with this former colleague (my lovely and awesome friend, J), that we would meet up and go for dinner on Sunday. Obviously, as I am an ASS and SUSPENDED, this isn’t going to happen. Despite her being lovely and awesome, I was all full of the fear that when I told her, she would freak out at me, and be incredibly angry. So I fretted over that for a good hour or so, before I finally cracked and put my iPod in.
Of course, when I finally texted her this morning, she was, as is her habit, lovely and awesome! She was just incredibly supportive and not at all hate- and rage-filled, like I imagined she might be. I’d love to say that’s a lesson learned, but no doubt the freak outs shall continue.