There Goes The Fear

Had a lovely weekend with some very good friends. They were both charming and sympathetic about my current situation and it was a relief to discuss it, and then joyously dismiss it as we pootled around Perthshire in the most geographically diverse pub crawl ever. If ever there was a way of showing that life goes on, and that my desire to become a hermit is counter-intuitive, this was it.

As the boys bonded over football gossip, my gorgeous friend C and I had a productive time dissecting my latest trauma. I confessed one of my biggest worries was going back to work and having colleagues ignore me (in a social context, rather than a professional one). C made me feel much better by asking a) how many of these colleagues did I actually want to see socially?, b) how many of those that I do like had already been in touch? , and c) even if none of them spoke to me, I still had a network of other actual friends, who I like for themselves rather than by enforced circumstance.

All of which is incredibly obvious and simple but which I needed to hear from someone else, I think.

Yesterday I had phone call from our departmental head who was just so nice. He was telling me that my Disciplinary Hearing is scheduled for Monday. Which is good because then this nightmare will be over, one way or t’other. Bad, because Le Homme and I are supposed to be in a holiday cottage in Wales from Saturday onwards. Nothing insurmountable though and once the hearing is over, I am getting in the car and going, regardless of the outcome.

I don’t actually think I’ll be fired, the guy who phoned sounded like he thought the whole thing had gotten a little out of hand, and he’s on the panel so that’s reassuring. I also can’t really be arsed going back at this point and if I had the cash I’d be bailing out. Sod’s law being what it is, I’ll have to go back!

In the meantime, I’m still just pottering around, doing not a lot and reading a lot of shite books. I wish I had used this time more “constructively” and gotten really fit or written my novel or learned how to use the SLR camera properly or ANYTHING really. I feel I have nothing to show for this time other than a few blog posts and a large stack of books. Still, maybe that’s what I needed, and six weeks isn’t much time in the grand scheme of things.


4 responses to “There Goes The Fear

  1. Good luck. I don’t really know what happened, but your friend is right about your colleagues and that whole situation.

    • I can’t really say too much about what happened here, as it I think it would be inappropriate. Essentially, I tried to cover up a mistake by tampering with some stuff that should have been left alone. I confessed soon after as I realised things could get worse. It led to a suspension and then this hearing.
      Thanks for the luck – I feel I need all I can get!

  2. This disciplinary hearing could be, I imagine, very intimidating. Can you take someone in with you to bolster you up?

  3. Good luck with the hearing, I hope it all gets sorted, and don’t worry about not using this time ‘constructively’ – sometimes we need to give ourselves the time to do nothing 🙂

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