I realise that all (three) of you will have been waiting with bated breath for the outcome of last weeks hearing. Unfortunately, it was rescheduled as someone couldn’t make it. Although, when I say “rescheduled” what I mean is “cancelled three hours before it was supposed to take place with no current update on when it will happen”. Joy.
After my last post I received a scary letter regarding the hearing, including a lovely little dossier which was the “management’s case”. All of which was accurate, but upsetting, particularly given that I owned up to everything – it feels a little like they’re saying “We think you did this, and here’s the proof”, while my response is “Yes I did, and you wouldn’t know if I hadn’t told you about it”. So that sent me into a little hand-wringing, floor-pacing tailspin for around 48 hours, during which I stared at the election coverage, glassy-eyed.
A very pleasant bike-riding, gym-going, gardening and West Wing Watching weekend with Le Homme got my head back on straight. We had a long-planned holiday in Wales with some friends last week, and I got up on Monday morning feeling confident that I could attend the hearing, secure my job and head off on holiday before coming back to work.
Then came the phone call saying the meeting was to be rescheduled and we headed off to Wales anyway. The holiday was nice enough, though I shall be more careful in future about whom I choose to share a holiday cottage with. I couldn’t really “let go” and enjoy it enough, particularly as there was little to no phone coverage and I couldn’t access my blog reader. Or find out who was Prime Minister. I couldn’t seem to enjoy feeling disconnected, partly I think because I’ve used the Internet and radio as my primary means of feeling connected and thereby somehow “vital” to the outside world.
So now I’m back to playing the waiting game – desperate to get things sorted but terrified of the outcome. I’ve swung back the other way and now feel my position has become untenable and can’t forsee actually returning to work successfully. Which makes it difficult to argue my case. I can only hope I’ll have my “sorted” head back on when the damn meeting is actually called.