It’s easy to do nothing. To read a novel, watch the telly, wallow in the bath. It’s surprisingly hard to focus on your own thoughts and dreams and desires.
I feel as though I’m living a small, small life and I don’t know why. I feel like I’ve lost the essential me. I don’t know if I ever knew the essential me. It’s not like everything I am was wrapped up in work, and it’s my only source of validation. Now it seems that the busyness of work and life was distracting me from the fact that I’ve lost myself somewhere.
I have no Grand Passion. Not even a Small Passion. There’s nothing that makes me leap out of bed in the morning. Nothing that I’m obsessed with. Nothing that I can channel my energy into. I’m at a time in my life where I should feel like I have the world at my feet. I have money, youth, health, vitality and people around to support and adore me. I should be setting the world on fire, or at least my small part of it. Instead I spend my days waiting to go back to bed. And that’s just sad.
I need a passion. For something other than ceaseless introspection.