Monthly Archives: July 2010


Tentative suggestions of new employment are being made. I had an interview yesterday with a “leading high street bank”, for a post as a Customer Adviser. It went pretty well, and I’ve received an email saying I have been selected to progress to the final application stages. I assume, at this point, that these final stages are the credit/reference/police checks that they need to carry out. All of which should be fine, my previous head of department is prepared to give me a reference and all the other checks should go through without a problem.

Until an actual contract is offered however, I shall not be counting any chickens. I shall not be even looking in the direction of any chickens. I will carry on applying for a whole bunch of other stuff, some of which sounds FAB, and some of which sounds rubbish. Such is life, I suppose.


There’s Always Someone Cooler Than You

I’m not one for a bandwagon. Chances are, if everyone else is doing it/getting one/seeing it/loving it, I’m standing with my back turned, nose in the air going “Nope! Not interested!”

This can occasionally be detrimental (please reference iPods, eyebrow waxing, pizza*, blogging on anything other than Livejournal) and eventually, I’ll catch on.

Which is why I am the last person on the Whole Planet to discover the wonder woman that is Jillian Michaels. I’m not a reality TV fan, so had never seen The Biggest Loser and was a bit well, snobbish about her. In a “yeah, famous lady, you might think you know about diet and fitness, but you have no clue what it’s like down here with the little people” kind of way.

However. A couple of weeks ago, I was mooching on the couch, when I spotted that The Biggest Loser was just starting a new season. So I figured I’d give it a go. I wouldn’t say I was hooked, but I’m interested, definitely interested. A few more episodes in, and La Jillian is beginning to grow on me. I knew she used to do a radio show and went hunting for some podcasts.

Fatal Error.

I’ve downloaded something like 75 podcasts of her radio show and cannot listen to them fast enough. It’s ridiculous. She’s not telling me anything I don’t already know (eat less, move more, don’t cut out any significant food group, crappy stuff in moderation), but the prospect of listening to someone chatter away about diet and fitness is like a little slice of heaven in my day. There is a whole other post about diet/fitness/weight loss on it’s way, but suffice to say it’s something I spend a lot of time thinking about. I already love the Two Fit Chicks podcasts, and now it seems I have fallen for the Jillian. There’s something about the honest, real way she speaks about stuff that I really like. Then she’ll throw in some aside, like “That bicycle costs more than my motorbike!” and I’ll be all “WTF? She has a motorbike? How cool is she?”

But anyway, enough of the fangirling. If you like health and fitness, and you haven’t already done so, check her out. If you’re not so much about the health and fitness thing, then, y’know, don’t.

*I had a minor dislike of cheddar cheese when I was younger, which put me off pizza. Then I went to Uni and was introduced to the world of the takeaway.

Everybody needs good….

Dear Mr Next Door,

You watched me brush the cobwebs off the garden seats.

You watched bring out the paper and a cafetière of coffee.

You watched me bring out comfy cushions and the radio.

You watched as Le Homme and I settled down to enjoy a morning in our lovely garden.

And then you decided that you MUST mow your lawn RIGHT NOW. And cover us in grass cuttings.

Thanks for that. I notice you’re setting up your barbecue. And that our own lawn could do with a trim. Enjoy.

Yours sneezily,


Love of the loveless

Have been moseying around on a few blogs, and come across the fabulous Green Ink, one of those blogs that you look at and think “I wanna be YOU!”.

Anyway, something she did, back in the day was Things I Love Thursday. Since I’m so down on the Whole World at the moment, I figured it was probably a good idea to put some love out there.

So Things I Love, this Thursday, July 22nd.

  • My Bed. So big, so comfy. A wonderful place to be when you feel sick or sad. Has never let me down.
  • My bike. Such a cute little machine. Looks like a proper racer, only small when compared to the big boys. Makes me feel like I’m a kid again.
  • Summer. Blue skies, sunshine, warm grass, lazy days.
  • The Sea. In any weather.
  • Being at the top of a hill in Glencoe. Actually, the top of a hill anywhere, but Glencoe’s my favourite.
  • My iPod. As someone who vividly remembers taping songs off the Radio 1 Chart Show every week, all that music in so tiny a space shall never cease to amaze. Also, it’s a fun blue colour.
  • Blogging. That feeling of being connected to other people while in Real Life you haven’t left the house for four days.
  • Books. And books and books and books and books. And having a house full of them.
  • My house. Where every room is almost the way I want it. And I don’t have to share it with anyone, other than Le Homme.
  • Exercise. Those times when it feels like fun.

I think I shall go, strap on my iPod and head out on the bike for a couple of hours.

When the going gets tough

Urgh. I know I said I wouldn’t be blogging much about the job search but have just hit minor panic mode.

I applied for a job as a trainee recruitment consultant, and got a phone message to say they were interested and could I call back. Phoned back and was subjected to an impromptu 30 minute phone interview. It went really really well, but then there was the whole “dismissed from previous job” thing. The woman who interview me was lovely, but basically said that if I don’t get progressed to a face-to-face interview, it’ll be because of that. I had a laugh with her, demonstrated all the key competencies and basically prostrated myself at her feet (but she couldn’t see that on the phone). She said she would discuss it with her colleagues but also that she had some other interviews. I got the general impression that if it’s a “no”, it’ll be a quick response. The longer it takes, the better. So once again, I wait for a response that I can’t influence any further. Aaaargh.

Better than all the rest.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”
Marianne Williamson

That quote has a lot to answer for. Most regularly interpreted as being “inspirational” in that cheery, positive-thinking “You can do anything you put your mind to” kind of way, all it does for me is create pressure.

There is something that is hard-wired into me, pushing me to be The Best. The Best What? Doesn’t matter. Not important. Right now, this has to be The Best blog post ever written. In a while, I’ll be cooking Cullen Skink for Le Homme and his mate to have when they come in from a (very wet) hill walk. That will need to be The Best Cullen Skink anyone has ever made. Later, I’m going to a Body Pump class at the gym, where lightning shall surely strike me down if I’m anything other than The Best in the class.

I’m not The Best. I will not be hit by lightning. But knowing that doesn’t make the ever-present little knot in my stomach  go away. I can try to rationalise my feeling till the cows come home, go to bed and get up again the next morning, but I still seem to spend my time trying. Right now, I’m not thinking “Yay! I’m finally posting about all this rubbish that lives in my head!”. If I’m thinking anything it’s “Oh, this is so pointless, I’m never going to be able to explain myself the way I’d like.”

Which, some people would argue, is natural. And maybe they’d be right. But later, when I’m cooking, I’ll be thinking “Will this be good enough?”. When I’m at Body Pump, I’ll be thinking “Am I doing it right? What if I drop a weight? Will people laugh?”. And in between, when I’m just mooching around the house I’ll be thinking “Does my hair look right this way? Shouldn’t I be putting the washing away, instead of reading? I really should clean the kitchen floor or I’m disgusting. I must remember and text J or I’m a bad friend.”

I know most people have times when they want to get things right, and I can really see the value in that. But with me, it seems constant. From the second I wake up, till I fall asleep, the thoughts in my head are a constant litany of “shoulds” and “musts”.

And when things do go wrong? When a mistake happens in an area of my life that holds a significant amount of my self worth and value? I panic, freak out and make stupid decisions that lead to getting fired for misconduct. Which does not really work as a long term plan.

I have more to say on this (a lot more), but what it comes down to is simple. I want to be happy. I want to blog, cook, exercise, and live in a way that’s about enjoyment not anxiety. Simple, and yet somehow such a lofty ideal, I can’t imagine it.

I’m soooooo tired/ I haven’t slept a wink

Not a very happy bunny today, due to a horrible nights sleep. I don’t mind going to bed late or having to get up early, but last night was a night of tossing and turning and wriggling around. It was really not very restful. Not helped by the fact that there was a traumatised moth in our bedroom, battering itself off of every available surface. Including us. When the light came on, the moth would disappear. When the light went off, there’d be a sneaky little fluttering on the pillow. Of course, because it’s the middle of the damn night, my head starts freaking out. I’m waiting to wake up with a moth at the back of my throat or worse, In My Ear. I think there was a ER episode where some woman had to get some kind of flying thing removed from her ear, which was just totally creepy. So I’m not particularly comfortable, and on the other side of the bed, Le Homme is snoring peacefully, blissfully unaware of the moth doing a victory lap on his forehead. I gave up at about two o’clock, and went through to the spare room. It didn’t help much, I was still awake at three with the regular stress and worries. Feel asleep eventually, but I’m not feeling my best today. Will be going for a good run later I think. Totally can’t be arsed, but I think I need to get myself physically exhausted, as well as mentally.