It’s incredibly cold outside. We braved the snow this morning to head to the gym and the supermarket. Siege mentality was hitting the shoppers of Perth, as I witnessed several trolley-loads of tinned, dried and frozen goods being rushed into the boots of waiting 4x4s.
Our trip was succesful and we spent a leisurely Sunday watching the football (Le Homme), making chocolate brownies and an orange loaf and reading the paper in front of the fire (both of us). I also made a stupendously good chicken casserole, the leftovers of which shall be added to some pasta for tomorrow’s dinner. Which makes me feel really, terribly, smug.
Also spent some time this weekend with the lovely chocolate people which was fun. I feel like the owner, P and manager, C, have a very similar outlook on food, and on retail, as my own which makes for a very easy life as I’ll be able to work well with them on an intuitive level. Am far less enthused about some of the other staff (one was heard to remark “Oooh, I’m just mad, me”). I shall stay focused on the many blessings though, the greatest being that someone is going to pay me to make chocolate truffles all day, for a small independent shop, using only the best ingredients they can find. No artificial nothing. Hurrah!
Shall be back at the Other Place (posh Scottish retail) for the rest of this week however, pottering around in Mail Order. Whatever that entails.
Am shell-shocked at the experience of being back at work. Having spent (as we all know) MONTHS doing nothing but putter around the house watching crap telly, suddenly being required to show up in the same place for 8 hours a day and be productive is like a cold sponge on a sun-warmed back.
What it has been useful for is giving me focus on those things I enjoy. Having limited free time makes me a lot fussier about how I spend it. I’m reading books that I enjoy, basking in the time I spend watching telly, getting back in to a regular exercise routine and trying to remember how to cook in the post-work-starving-hungry-must-eat-now fashion.
I’m practising a lot of Happy Thoughts, not spending days beating myself up about past mistakes, just trying to enjoy whatever I happen to be doing. I’m not totally there yet, but I’m trying! Definitely looking forward to getting back to a routine and blogging about things other than work woes and my mental status.
“Don’t worry about the future, it’s none of your business”
I read that quote in a woman’s magazine a few months ago, and it’s stuck with me since.
There was a whole blog post here, but it occurs to me that I don’t need to beat you over the head with my point.
In short: worrying is pointless, upsetting and generally has no effect on forthcoming events at all whatsoever. It occurs to me that worrying about my life is as effective as worrying about my wedding. Most of the things we planned went right. Some things went wrong. Nobody cared, and we all had an awesome time.
Upon my deathbed, I want to think “Well, some things went well, some things didn’t. But I had an awesome time”.
Today is my birthday. Twenty-nine years ago, I came screaming into the world and sometimes it feels like I’ve been screaming every day since.
It has been quite a year. Pretty much dominated by the whole getting fired thing. I should really be doing a whopping retrospective post, considering all the things I’ve learned this year, and all my grand plans for the forthcoming year.
However. I’ve spent a LOT of this year gazing at my navel and overthinking my whole life. I’m not sure it does me any good. Sometimes, the worst place for me to be is in my own head, thinking about life rather than living it. When I look back on the last year, there are very few actions, very few events that stand out. I feel as though I’m drifting, slightly off course, and rather than paddle hard to get to where I want to be, I’m trying to think my way back and becoming frustrated when that doesn’t work.
This year, I want to DO more. But it can’t be the things I think I SHOULD do. I’m going to spend my time, doing things I WANT to do. And remembering that sometimes, the two are the same.