Let’s pretend it’s not actually, ahem, January 5th. Let’s pretend it is, in fact, January 3rd. The day which I had selected to be the Bright New Day. It was the first Real Day of the New Year! It was a Monday! It was so shiny and bright with promise!
Until I awoke feeling
really, terribly ill a little bit poorly, and spent the day on the sofa watching the first season of Heroes (remember when Heroes was good? It was, once, long ago), interspersed with some light dusting and thinking about how I should really get on with making some resolutions/goals/intentions for the year ahead. I have none of these. I have a general, vague intention to not be quite so rubbish. Specifically relating to; personal admin (bank statements, application forms for anything, library books, medical appointments, scary letters, non scary letters, etc, etc) personal fitness (seem to have signed up for another bloody Marathon, also woefully unfit for skiing holiday which commences in 3 days time) and mental health (using food as coping mechanism, being miserable/cross/anxious 80% of the time, distracting self with tv/radio/books to the point that any kind of silence is untenable). There are probably other deeply unsatisfactory elements of my character which could do with being better, before we lap the sun again and I’m forced to confront 2012 in all my glory.
Actually, I do think that having some plans and ideas put in place could help immensely with my main goal, which is really to try to enjoy this year. I can only really relax when tasks are complete and my “to do” list is empty. Creating some goals I want to achieve rather than those I think I should, means that the wee voice inside that says “Yes, but shouldn’t you….” can be answered with either an “Actually, maybe I will” or a “No, no I shouldn’t. Cos I don’t WANT to”.
Theoretically. Perhaps. We’ll see.